Stuck In Neutral

How can you move toward what will make you happy if you don't know what "it" is? I feel a bit like I'm in neutral these days. I'm not going backwards, but I'm not really moving forward either. I'm a bit empty inside. And I feel guilty for even saying that. I am so very, very blessed. I have a family who has stood by my side at every turn, helped me celebrate every moment and pick up pieces when they fall. I have friends who have loved me when I didn't love myself, when I was filled with anger and bitterness and looking for a place to let it all out. And my children. I don't think I will ever be able to adequately express the joy and enormity of life they bring to my world. I remember the months immediately following Gavin's departure, feeling as though my life had melted around me. And I wanted to melt along with it, disappear into the cracks and hide in the dark. But it really wasn't an option. I was a mom. I had two beautiful, energetic, loving, crazy children who needed hugs, and dinners and baths. And those needs kept me going. Looking back, I can see it was my need that was being met. And now, with almost four years past, I feel as though I am out of immediate danger. I no longer feel as though every second is a battle for survival. But what do I do now?